Fangirl TV
by Miss Chelle
Summary: Some of your favorite T.V. shows, with characters from various animes substituted in. So far, there's Kingdom Hearts, Naruto, Death Note and Fullmetal Alchemist. T.V-based crack
1. Pilot

_(I figured I needed to do this soon. So why not now, when I have nothing better to do? Here you guys go. I know you'll like it. Oh, btw, I own NOTHING in this. A bunch of rip offs. Oh well, enjoy)_

Fangirl T.V

"Hello. My name is Michelle. I shall be your guide to this world. For we, that is, you and I, are in a different world, different dimension, if you will. A dimension not of sight or sound, but of mind. Truth and lies mean nothing here, the will of the us, the fangirls, is all. Welcome, my friends, to…..The Twilight Zone!! Oh, pardon me. Fangirl T.V!" Michelle stands with her arms wide, waiting for something. She clears her throat, and still nothing. Irritated, the girl moves slightly off-camera, but is still audible. "Damn it all to Hell, you guys missed the cue again!! Where the fuck is Jimmy?……I don't care!!…….You made me look like an idiot out there! This is live, y'know!" A slap is heard, and Michelle reappears, smiling. "Sorry. Technical difficulties. Now, let us embark on the journey…." And the image fades to black.

--

A new one materializes, what seems to be a children's library, with book covers plastered around the walls, and a rainbow across the center. A rather emotionless-looking lilac haired boy is seated in the very middle of the place. He is holding a book, and frowning heavily.

"This week's book, kids, is called….." He glanced at the book cover and shuddered. "The Puppy Who Lost It's Way. Now, kids, since this book is about puppies, _again, _I refuse to read it. So, instead of gaping vapidly at this idiotic box, how about you use your imagination and make up the ordeals that this puppy goes through. Honestly. I don't know what I'm doing here. I like adult books! I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH ALL THESE GODDAMN PUPPIES AND UNICORNS! I QUIT!!" A screeching tone is heard, and bars appear on the screen. Michelle walks out.

"My friends, you have just experienced Reading Rainbow, with their newest host, Zexion. It hasn't exactly been working out, since Zexion quits about once a week. The ratings, however, have skyrocketed. The girls love to see him go nuts. Lets move one, shall we?"

--

Stage hands appear, and drag the "Emo Rainbow" set away. Michelle remained.

"You see, these are the types of travesties you will face while on this little trek with me. Now, while we get the next set up, how about you enjoy a word from our sponsors, which means I'm going insert your favorite characters into commercials that you may or may not remember."

She walked off, and an image of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter sitting on branch came on. After about a minute, an orange clad ninja ran up the tree and sat on the branch. "Can't believe it's not butter?? Well, believe it!" Naruto practically shouted into the camera while giving a thumbs up and grinning insanely.

The image disappeared quite quickly and Michelle stormed back on.

"I really hate that ninja. But go buy that non-butter product! I endorse it! Anyways, lets move on to the next commercial."

An image comes on, with a table that has a pair of gloves, a piece of chalk, and a book on it. Edward Elric walks on, in all his short, blond glory, and grinned toothily at the camera. "Hey. My name is Edward Elric, and I'm here to welcome you to…!" He raises his arms and a banner that says "Alchemy" unfurls behind him. "…The infomercial for alchemy! Now, today, with the help of some of my fellow Alchemists, I'll show the benefits of learning this science that makes you feel like you're magic. Now, lets start off with answering a simple question: What is alchemy? If you watch my show, then you already know the answer. If not, here's the short answer: It's magic that's really science. I bet you're asking yourself. "But, Ed, why would _I_ need to learn alchemy?" That's simple. Other than the bragging rights you'll get, Alchemy is great Around the house!" A shot of a broken plate being fixed " In your work place!" A shot of a smoking heap of machinery being transmuted into a computer. "and even in a romantic situation" A shot of someone transmuting flowers from the ground and giving them to a girl "Yes, sirreee, alchemy is the best thing you can do with your life, and I, or one of my Super Alchemical chums will teach it to you with fifty easy payments of 19.99! That's right, you heard me, only fifty payments of 19.99!" Michelle is seen, off to the side of the table, furrowing her brow and tapping her watch impatiently. Ed frowned right back, but said hurriedly "I'm sorry folks, but that evil hostess over there is cutting me off. Join us next time as we hear more of the fantastical uses of Alchemy! See ya!"

The table rolled away, and Michelle came back on. "Enough commercials! Let's get back to the shows…Uggh, I need a drink…"

--

"And now, my friends, let us experience the terror and unspeakable horror of…" Dramatic music and pause..!! "My Super Sweet Sixteen!" Thunder crashes, wolves howls, and an eerie organ plays. Cut to: Destiny island, where a timid Kairi is confessing some things to the camera.

"You know, even though it is my sweet sixteen….I really don't want a big party. Just some friends over my house and--"

"no, no, no, no, no, no, no! You are having a proper sweet sixteen, Kairi, even if it's over my dead body!" A bossy Selphie shoved Kairi aside a flashed a grin to the camera. "Come on! This is your chance to be pampered like a princes, Kairi! To have your will be done! It's every normal girl's dream come true!"

"Well…I suppose so…"

"Let me handle all the sticky details, girl, you just say what you want, and it shall be done!"

Someplace else on the island, Sora felt a chill run down his spine. Riku quirked an eyebrow.

"What was that?'

"I….I don't know…"

--Sweet Sixteen!--

"…And I want that cute diamond bracelet, oh, and that lovely Dolce and Gabana dress, ohh and about eighteen thousand roses, and make sure they are the right shade pink, to match my hair…."

Riku and Sora exchanged tired glances, each carting about fifty pounds of shopping bags each.

"Since when was Kairi like this?"

"Blame Selphie.."

"Are you two listening??" The two sighed in unsion and continued their task. Pity them.

--Sweet Sixteen!--

"And I want it at that nice white castle we went to a while back!"

Sora yelped. "What?? Kairi, those guys want to kill us!"

"Well, pay them not to kill us! Did you mess up my nails again, Riku?!"

"Stop fidgeting, and I wont mess up!"

--Sweet Sixteen!--

"What is this??"

"What's wrong, Kairi?"

"I asked for the rose-colored gummi ship, and you give me this?? This is _magenta_!"

"Your kidding, right?"

"Get it right next time!"

--Sweet Sixteen!--

"No, no _NO!! _This isn't right, none of it's right!! You guy have completely _ruined_ my party!!" She runs off in tears. The crowds breathes a sigh of relief.

"Kairi, wait, I--" Sora reaches out toward her general direction

"I quit!" Riku leaves in a huff.

"I wonder if that blond has left yet…" Selphie stealthy sneaks up on Cloud. "Hi, you must be Sora's friend! That's an awfully big sword you have…" She fluttered her eyelashes at him. He walks away.

Some of the Nobodies mull over what happened. "So, what just happened??"

"What does it matter, look at all these new girls! Watch and learn, ya sitar-playing pansy." Axel introduces himself to all the women, and comes back with no numbers.

"what were you saying?"

"You shut up! This party sucks…"

--

"And that my friends, is where we leave tonight. Be sure to tune in next time for another installment of….Fangirl T.V! Good night, everyone." Michelle walks off, and the lights go off. She hurries back on "Oh, and give credit to my co-writes, Alex and Ashii! Without them, this show would not be possible! Good night!"

_(Yes, I am full well that this would do better as an AMV series and not a fic. But I can't draw, so oh well. Review, please! Ciao!)_


	2. Episode 2

_(I think you guys will really like this story. And plus, lotsa new stuff! Fwee! Here's chapter two, enjoy. And again, I own NONE of this!)_

Fangirl T.V

Episode 2

"Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed the last episode. It was rather amusing for me. Who am I, you ask? Well, as you may or may not remember, I am your hostess, Michelle. Now then, shall we delve deeper into uncharted territories, and question the very existence in which we live? I think we shall! Follow me….." Michelle walks off and the camera pans, following her until she stops in front of a pair of chairs against a black backdrop.

Demyx was sitting in one of the chairs, And he was fidgeting quite a bit. Ino was sitting in the other chair, a look of mock sympathy on her face.

"Demyx? Demyx, pay attention! Now, tell me about your music career before you became a Nobody."

"Okay! Well, it really wasn't much of a career. I just kind of played the sitar when I was a merman, and when I lost my heart, poof! It was my weapon!"

"Uh huh, uh huh, interesting. Did the wild life of a musician take over your otherwise geeky merman life?"

"Didn't…you just hear me? I only just played the sitar. Not like I was in some crazy band…"

"Any drug abuse? Alcohol stories? Sexual escapades?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course, Demyx. We're listening. Everyone is listening. Let it all out. We're here for you."

"Seriously, lady?"

"Alright, viewers! Give away time! Look under your seats, everyone, and you'll find……a freshly cut bouquet of flowers!" The audience all started at Ino blankly, and in a matter of moments, boo's where heard from all sides, and flowers got thrown at the stupid blonde host. She, being the airhead she is, chose to ignore the boo's, and take the flowers as a compliment. And the scene fades to black.

--

"Enjoy that little parody of Oprah, my friends? I know I did. Anyway, as is custom, let's watch some commercials now. And remember, if you buy these products, all these characters will personally come to your house and thank you, so tells me the network. Enjoy!"

Michelle walks off again, and an orange screen pops up, and the familiar Vonage music starts up. A cool, male voice tells us not to be idiots and we see Misa misa following a chained up L and Light, demanding a date. We see her getting caught while killing someone. We see her screwing up one of Light's assassination plans, and lastly, We see her getting her Death Note taken away. Again, the cool male voice warns us against the dangers of idiocy, and advises us all to get Vonage phone service. The music stops, and the orange goes away.

A shot materializes, and its Chouji and Naruto sitting on a block against a white screen, a bowl of ramen in hand each. They begin to sing a familiar melody.

"My ramen has a first name, it's I-c-h-I! My ramen has a second name, it's R-a-k-u! I love to eat it everyday, and if you ask me why, I'll saaaaaaaay! Cause Ichiraku has a way with R-a-m-e-n, hooray!

Michelle walks back on screen. Before talking, she glances at her watch, then sighs.

"We have time for one more commercial, guys. Roll it!" She hurries away, and Axel strides in to take her place. He gets right up into the camera and says,

"Hey!! Got Memorization? If not, call the number on your screen now, and I'll personally drill any type of information into your head! Doesn't matter if your bad at names, dates, times, or just random, useless facts! I'll repeat whatever you wanna learn so many times, that by the time I'm done, you'll wanna punch me in the face, guaranteed! That's right, just call the number on your screen right now, and you'll soon have whatever you want memorized so hard, that you'll say it in your sleep! Got it Memorized?"

--

Axel gets shoved off hastily by Michelle (she has issues with sharing her stage), and She held up a cue card that said "Black's Clues!" with black paw prints around it and a chibi of Black Hayate at the feet of Riza. The shot fades, and it comes back as a slightly over-the-top living room, with primary colors galore. Riza is sitting in a big, red, armchair, and she is holding Black Hayate.

"Alright, kids, let's review Black's clues. The word lazy, a drawing of a flame, and a water drop with a big X through it. What could it be kids? Let's think….And think…..And think…..Oh! I know. It's that damned Roy Mustang. Again. Good job, kids! We just figured out Black's clues! How wonderful for us, isn't it?" An alarm is heard in the distance. "Oh, listen to that! You know what that means, kiddies! Time for target practice!" As quick as a flash, Riza drew her pistol, and shot the shape of a target in the wall opposite her. Black hayate was on the floor, shivering. Riza was was saying something else, but the scene was already fading . Michelle walked on screen.

"Well, this was a fun installment, wasn't it? But, alas, it's time to go. So, goodbye, farewell! So long, hopefully not for forever! And tune in next time for another exciting episode of……Fangirl T.V.! And, as always, much love to both my co-writers, Ashii and Alex! Without them, there would be no show. Goodbye!"

_(I really love this series. Reviews make me happy, guys! Ciao!)_


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